Quotes: Fourth Quarter 2013 (most of them, anyway...)

Due to a glitch, a chunk of the quote list was sadly lost forever in a sea of technological misfortune. On the plus side, the quotes that remain intact are worth the read :) 

10-1 

Cash: I will wear a helmet. 

10-2
Mark: ...we keep him in the basement. 

Rob: It's like drinking a campfire. 

Rob: I'm like a 14 year old girl....

10-3 
Sinh: I never shower. Fuck that. 

Steve: Actually, I'm waiting for my gun so I can get the hell out of here!

Druid: I've got a case of princessites.

Rob: You fucking suck. At life. 

10-4 
Rob: I guess I could be Robin... 

Rob: What if I don't want him to do it?

Vedran: I trimmed my Serbian beard. 

C3: they're pleated. They hide stuff. 

C3: I don't know what he's looking at down there. 

Cash: I'll text you if I'm funny. 

10-7 
C3: So what do you do when you're not wearing sweaters and drinking beer?

Cash: Isn't that the plot of Jurassic Park?

Chris Seaton: I could probably tackle an Australian / New Zeland gal. 

10-9 
Rob: I used to think capers were gross, too. Then I grew up. 

Rob: You can't have Fritos?!

10-10 
Cash: If this text conversation was about to be a college level research paper, that would be the motherfucking hook, my friend. 

10-9
Rob: I just learned that Sprite is the number one drink for helping with a hangover. I don't really like sprite, but I'd give it a try. 

9-10: Rob walks in and sets a giant bottle of sprite on my desk. 

10-9

Mark: The last time I tried to program my garage door opener using a YouTube, I opened my neighbor's. 

10-11
Mark: If you are not Scottish a kilt is just a skirt. 

Nhu: They have happy hour from 2-6

C3: Every hour is happy for me.

Mark: Every hour is not happy for me. I will not sugar coat it. 

Rob: Do not take anything I say seriously unless I say..."I'm serious."

Rob: Facebook is for children. 

Rob: This is how you make me feel when you order me to do things...

 

Mark: I just need you to find me the fairies. 

Cash: Tegan and Sara are my spirit animal. 

Woodge: Let's just call it a rapey bar. 

Woodge: I know you're friends with him, but it looks like he dyed his hair with koolaid.

Cash: I'm about 87% sure he did. 

Cash: You're interesting. 

Woodge: Thanks. I'm 30.

Cash: Do you want me to get more wood? Do you want me to blow on it?

Cash: You make me happy on a spiritual level. 

Woodge: I love this night. Lets give hugs. 

Woodge: Ducks like meth. 

Cash: If I ever own a duck... 

Woodge: He doesn't have teeth.

10-12 
Rob: I'm like a little girl. Bladder the size of a thimble. 

10-15 
Jax: That's not what I'm trying to say. The monkey is not in the oven. 

10-17 
Me: Is that a burn mark?

Mark: Yes. I set it on fire. 

10-18 
C3: Do you think that truck is full of blood?

C3: I'm gonna go pee in the alley.

THIS IS WHERE THE TRADGEDY STRUCK AND SEVERAL GREAT QUOTES WERE LOST....

10-30

Cash: It's thicker than I'm used to.

Cash: Weird place for the trail to be

Cash: That's one thing Jim Beam has on candy...

10-31 
Mark: That would be gay.

Mark: I find great release in ironing.

Mark: Dogs don't count. Especially starving weird ones.

11-2 
Cash: If I could give one thing to the block...

Cash: Card master and picking thumbs. 

11-3 
Cash to me: Settle down, White Fang.

Me: What kind of pizza do you like?
Cash: Baby making music.

11-7 
Vedran: Anyone listen to the new Eminem album?
Me: Yes. Love it.
Vedran: Tits.

11-13 
C3: If you wear a suit without gloves you look like a business man. If you wear a suit with gloves you look like an assassin.

Cash: You made a waffle called The Smith & Wesson?
Me: I did indeed...
Cash: Marriage material. 

Rob: ... But if you fuck up my fu-man...

Rob: I look like a catfish.

11-15
Vedran: Sinh, I'm going to visit you this weekend and chop your fingers off.

C3: Why is everyone laughing today? FROWN!

Doner: Thumb meat butt.

C3: That was a joke about domestic violence. It was funny.

Garvey: I don't know what this is. "Stockholm syndrome?" Am I retarded?
Me and c3: Yes.

Anthony: When I popped what came out?
Garvey: A defective condom would have been good....

C3: BAM! ...call me Emeral.

C3: I bite my thumb at thee!
Anthony: Well I give you the raspberries.

Garvey: That's because Mexico is dirty.

C3: Dammit she loves pterodactyl eggs! She fucking loves pterodactyl eggs!

Anthony: I can fix it! ...I can't fix it.

Anthony pushes the table, and looks around confused: Oh. I meant to scoot myself.

Garvey: She's a fat fucking bitch.
Me: I thought you loved her.
Garvey. I do.

Anthony. That wasn't even funny, but I laughed at it.

Garvey: HAHAHA! Iiiiii need to look this up.

Anthony: Actually those look like the gloves you'd wear when you kill someone...

11-19 
Rob. I'm offering you an egg. I'm offering you an egg, and you're laughing at me.

Rob: Do you like peas?

C3: The sun will come out tomorrow
Cash: Doubt it.

11-20 
Joe: My sister used to throw scissors at me.

Me: I'm working on my stop motion.
Cash: Me too. As in, I've stopped moving.

Doner: That's ok. I was too busy emailing you from the future.
M2: That was you?!

11-21 
Rob: feels like a bad moon rising...

11-22
Sinh: Danel!
Danel: What!?
Sinh: It works.
Danel: Oh my god. Here I come.

Seaton: It's a tri-win-da

Seaton: Oh! Here's me in a turtle shell.

Seaton: I have a chest, too.

11-23
Garvey. I like the Latino bitch.
Cash: She's Israeli.

Random guy at Picassos: One of my buddies... Is writing a book.... About dragons.

Garvey: Cupboards!? I like people that say "cupboards." Ah. Sorry. Continue.

Cash: Have you ever tasted a real man?

11-24 
Shea: I like murder.

Shea: He's tiny and he's fast, and he can fit under trees!

Ellie: Oh my god. This is not my favorite song.

Shea. I'm just tired from getting low.

11-25 
M2: I got shocked in the ear hole the other day...

11-26 
Rob: .... I just saw Steve running.

Rob: ... Can I just pet her??

11-27 
Shanesha: That pie was amazing. I wanna put it in some ice cream... Or a milkshake... I need a nap.

11-29
Mom. I need my.... Get it for me!

Druid's Nick: Who licked me?

11-30 
Rob: Definitely had dreams with raccoons in them last night.

Me: What is it with you and those gloves?
C3: They separate me from this filthy world.

Rob: Wanna make sausage?

12-2
Me: That actually made me really happy.
Rob: Are you blushing?

Vedran to Sinh: Shut up. Go back to your zone. Nobody likes you.

12-4 
Hitler was pretty awesome.

Howard: I'm a guy. There's blue and orange and pink... And sometimes you mix them and get different colors...?

12-5 
Rob: You know how many people are not coordinated? Lots.

Rob: Look. I even found one that's small and broken for you.

Rob: Have you ever thought about genocide?

Rob. Sausage making bee man.

Rob: From butts to wieners.

12-6
Nhu: Are you ok?
Vedran: I'm drunk.

M2: Hey, Danel is here!
Vedran: Let's punch him in the throat!

12-7 
C3: I love man meat.

C3: At least you don't have a crappy little hand.

Anthony: What's a figgy pudding?

C3 Do I touch it?

12-10
Rob: Shoot me
Me: Only if you shoot me first
Rob: Aww. It's like a death pact. How cute.

Me: Why do you keep bees?
Rob: it's like having 60,000 little pets.

Rob: hahahajajajaha... That was me laughing partly in Spanish.

12-12 
Rob one of these days I'm going to wear my wrestling clothes and then your ass is mine.

Rob: my jeans aren't that tight.

Cash: Oh nom nom nom. Daddy issues.

Cash: I look like a pink candle kind of guy.

C3: Rube-in-stine

12-3 
Cash: I have a tongue like iron

12-24 
Starbucks guy: She's like a chinchilla. She takes baths in dust.

12-28
Jake: I really want to go back to my family.

Shea: Know what I like about drag queens?

12-29 
Caroline: Someone needs a nap. And it's me.

Quotes: Third Quarter 2013

7-4 

C3 about the meatballs my mom was cooking: How close are those to being done?

Jonny: I used to have a crush on Mulder... That's the woman right?

Shea: Are those Xmen dollars?

Erica: That's weird. That's a weird thing to love. 

Vanessa after a super loud firework: Oh my god is that ok!?

Shea: You should watch Erica's sex syrup. 

7-6 

M2: I mean... I remember going to Cracker Barrel....

Me: You mean Crack Fox?

M2: I like fodder. It's a good word, starts with f...

M2: Small dreams in the day time.

C3: It's like a dragon eating a rat fetus. 

7-7 

Mom: Grab that baby!

7-8 

Nhu: Where'd I put that sandwich? Oh shit. It's on the floor. 

7-10 

Mom: I think she buffed a hair off my toe and then laughed about it. 

7-11 

Emily: Hopefully I make some friends, and they don't like... rape me. 

7-13 

C3: There was too much talking and not enough robot fighting. 

M2: Too late. Already touching it. 

Me: You'd get a nice nap in.

M2: Yeah it's called a concussion.

7-18 

I mean I like powdered sugar, but not on twat waffles.

I mean if my fictional girlfriend told me we were having twat waffles for breakfast.... 

7-19

Mark: Now I can drink another ten cups of coffee and die. 

Mark: This is the stripper by the way. Thanks for that.

Audrey: How do you know?

Mark: She told me. In the interview.

7-20 

Sue: Try to look black.

 

Jake: He tried to drown me.

7-21 

C3: I sat in some sap.

7-22 

Mark to me: You are my father. 

Doner: Cheerio, mother fucker.

Ol: I hope your day is game as fuck. 

7-31 

Dad: It sounds profane. If anyone FBed me I'd go kick their ass.

8-2 

C3: nothing cures boredom like cocaine. 

8-3

C3: I like hitting things with sticks.

Emily: I'm pregnant with thought. 

C3: Look at that kitty. It's like a little panther. 

8-4 

Emily: Do you remember the robot that was stalking me?

8-5 

Me: I could get you some kale.

Mark: I'd rather die. 

8-7 

Mark. What are these mason jars in here? It looks like urine.

Sinh: He's a cool cat, and I like cats. 

C3: Have you ever seen a kangaroo? They are t-rex deer. 

M2: Can I pass on this post-hiking breakfast? I'm afraid this may manifest into post-hiking mid-day drinking. 

8-10 

C3: There's your dose of smiles for the day.

Mike T: They poop out eggs. A lot. 

Jake, about N64: Want me to let you win?

8-13 

Druid: I know how to handle a staff. 

8-14 

C3: You're a vampire.

Nick Garvey: I hate churches because.... 

Nick Garvey: I bet you did. Because you're a great artist. 

Random bar guy: I have a Ryan Adams tattoo. 

Nick Garvey: I know what his job is. He's a Walmart greeter. 

Nick Garvey: I'm straight right now. I'd fuck a girl right now. 

Nick Garvey: I could sell this cigarette for a crack rock. 

Nick Garvey: I'm sorry my fancy shoes don't click when I walk. 

C3: I hope I don't look like that when I run. 

Nick Garvey: I pissed on Wash U. 

C3: You thought about it and then you ran into the bushes. 

8-15 

Tim: Were you the bait?

Audrey to Druid: I'm gonna stab you later. 

Tim: I can't finish a bottle of Hendricks. I'll die.

8-16

C3: ...and there's my train of thought so no one ask me any more questions.

M2: There's nothing but crazy, and cocaine, and bitches. 

Emily: Lord of the Rings characters: Smeagol.

C3: Aragorn.

Me: Gandalf

Nhu: Is it Billy..?

C3: I'm the second coming of Aaron Carter. Carter two.

Mom. He's gay... is he strong?

8-21 

Mark: I don't want you to see his naked body. 

Mom: She's six, and I'm afraid of this little bitch. She's gonna shank me. 

Woodge: I'm going to steal this, and I don't want anyone to see

Me: What is it?

Woodge: This rock. 

8-24

Cash: I like leather. 

Cash: To the disappointment of many a fellow, I'm not.

Me: Sit still.

Keo: I can't do that, or I'll explode. My whole body is the bus from Speed.

8-27

C3: I think our intern is getting cheeky. 

C3: All the tasties are back. 

8-29 

Mark to me: If you google "Chris Bruehl" your photo comes up.

Mark: What are you doing, Chris?

Doner: Googling "spider eyes."

Advice from Kidwell: Pepto and vodka. 

8-30

Mark: Sure that's just what we need. Give you sharp objects to throw.

Cash: So that's going to be a whole bunch of pajamas.

Cash: No one expects velocorapters.

Cash: 20-80.

Cash: Sometimes, I'm a keeper.

Cash: You know what happens when I don't fidget? My butt hurts! 

Cash: I like how my head feels.

Cash: I wish you could feel my head.... no... from the inside.

Cash: You might want to get more water cuz I drank yours too. ...I started laughing when I finished both. 

9-3 

Emily: .........glob glob.

C3: I'm not sure what to do with that. I'm going to let that one simmer. 

9-5 

C3: I like him... He's just so fucking different. In so many ways.

M2: ...Sorry pupils are dilated. 

9-6 

Julian. I like Science City

Me: You mean the Science Center?

Me: I like cinnamon on grits.

Lance: I like cinnamon on butter. 

9-7 

Cash: Raptor assisted genocide. 

Cash. You have to know when to pull out. 

9-9 

Doner: Want to see something awesome?

M2: Does it involve a primary color?

9-10 

Doner: We suck five!

Emily: I don't like random solids surprising me in my liquids! 

C3: Not supposed to be a surprise or random. 

9-10 

Doug: You want to do what with that!?

9-11 

Daniel Ronnback: It's bluebird, and between every photo you have the best days of your life. 

Doner to M2: Are you eating yogurt and steak? 

9-12 

Antoine Berger: Life is a succession of choices. 

C3: I'm not really a montage person.

9-13 

Doner: I was going for "ghost." You're the only person that can see me. See? Sinh. Sinh. Hey Sinh!

M2: I want to steal his keys... GTA 5 is coming out soon and I kinda want to prepare... These are very girly keys. I don't want them anymore. How would Doner set down his keys? -slams them down- 

Vedran: you want me to go hiking? I'm foreign!

C3: Now I'm going to search that and see what comes up... This is a fun game. 

C3: You should bring me meat every day. 

Emily: This is blasph-fucking-eme 

C3: It takes a special kind of man to look attractive when he's pooping. 

Emily: What are you... like... a manist? 

Megan: I understand white people speak. 

9-14 

Mom: She doesn't drink!

Sue: But she's still funny...

Pawpaw: eat the hamburger. Don't eat the pie. 

9-17 

Cash: And soon I will recede into my subterranean lair. ...Soon. 

Matt: I thought it was black people and everyone else. 

9-18

Vedran: Love you. No homo. 

9-19 

C3: I'm like 25% Chinese at this point.

9-20 

Mark: Cut this. CUT IT FOR ME!

9-21
Cash: Anytime I look for anything in this house I find a gun instead. Looking for packing tape? Gun. Lighter fluid? Gun. I'm sure everything I need in life is actually in the gun safe.

Cash: I'll kiss a girl with lip gloss!

9-23 

Vedran: Did you see that!?
Doner: I did. I'm impressed.
Vedran leaves.
Doner: I'm not really impressed.

9-24 

Cash: I don't rely on medicine to make me feel better, but whiskey has been around for centuries. 

Cash: Where did he go? I'm so concerned.

Chris Seaton: Are you going to straw it again?

Cash: Might as well. I'm not enjoying it.
 

Cash: I don't always insult people, but when I do I make sure it's a good un. 

Cash: I'd drink for you. Cash 9-24

Cash: What your gonna do... Is change the dates. 

Cash: I want you to use this insult... (starts laughing and forgets what it was.)
 

9-25 

Mark: I got the idea from Donut Palace!

Mark: What else can we get juice from? The blood of former employees?

C3: Doesn't he cough on you in your sleep?

Cash: I don't always talk a lot, but when I do it's about Johnny cash. 

9-26 

Mark: My three year old calls him "the funny little man."

9-27 

Dawn: He looks like a giant wolverine 

9-30

That's what I call retarded!

Quotes: Second Quarter 2013

4-23
C3: I'm bringing a couple of shirts and sherberdas.

4-24
C3: I'll bring you back something fun. Like bird flu.

4-25
Ryan: Is that Cam?
Me: No. It's a guy named Brian.
Ryan: Is that Cam's brother?

4-26
We did drugs off a cookbook.

Megan: Should I cough on that bike seat?

4-28
Nick: Don't question my uncooked pizza.

Me: Can I have a piece of the pizza?
Nick: I don't even cut it.

4-29
Megan: Wait… why is cake in parenthesis? If it means inebriation, then yes.

Shea: Hope is dead.
Vanessa: Best team captain ever.

5-1
Mark: I like drawing attention to my chest.

Joel: I'm a well of odd lingo

5-4
Woodge: Porcu-fucking-pine.

5-5
Mom: Do you have glaucoma?
Sue: No. Autism.

Sue: There goes Jim's chance.
Jim: No.
Sue: Best chance.

5-8
Sinh: Haha…. Hahahaha…. ha…
Me: What's so funny over there?
Sinh: I'm just trying to make a shitty situation better.

5-14
Mark: I can see this being creepy forever… There's a seven foot Asian man.

5-19:
Tom: We're going to have great adventures. And they start tonight!

Sean: Do YOU hate Japan??

5-20
C3: Its an ancient shake weight.

C3: Never give me a sword in real life.

C3: Hello, Mr. Black Man.

C3: I took off my clothes to be quieter.

5-21
C3: I'm gonna stab your ass.

5-23
We have two clients. And one of them is Audrey.

5-24
No Pocket Friday. It can be our next Twitter campaign.

5-25
I ejaculated a smile.

Emily: He'd be like… Ew. You know? Cuz I'm a girl…

5-28
Me: You can keep this (highlighter). It matches the color of your shorts.
C3: Thanks. I can keep it in my pocket with the cap off.

5-30
M2: I'm going to the bathroom to cry by myself. You tell no one about this.

5-31
Shea: I'd slit Mother Nature's throat if she were in front of me.

C3: Just think about me when you're looking at your leftovers.

C3: Maybe you're just permanently retarded.

C3: I've got some knives….

6-3
C3: Ohh. What's this magical faerie castle?

C3: What's your name, butt boy?

6-4
Mark to Sinh: I'm going to start calling you Pocahontas.

C3: Seems like a good business for me to make black magic robes for a living.

C3: I need to tend my health.

C3: I gave him a staff of zombies so he brought that guy back.
Me: So your friend made a friend?
C3: Mmhmm. It's like paying it forward.

C3: You're gonna run out of magic soon, and then you're gonna be a sad fucking panda.

6-5
Sinh: I'm so glad I have cable again. Spent all day watching hardcore porn… Pawn!

6-8
C3: Whenever I went to the galleria with Sinh. I used to go to the movie theater for popcorn and eat it in the food court.

6-10
What do you consider a cock ring? Let's talk about that.

Emily: What's this?
C3: My happy station.

C3: I have a good joke, but I'm saving it.

6-11
Mark: Notice anything suspicious? They're all Asian porn people.

6-12
Nhu: Megan! Stop moving your face! …What are you doing?
Megan: I can't move my face.
Nhu: I can't either.

Nhu: It's dark in here. I'm thirsty. I need some water.

Megan: I'm only putting it in your mouth a little bit.

Digi: You eat like you're pregnant with three kids.

Digi: Remember the salmon?

Nhu: You threw up in this place!?

6-13
M2: Poor Remy? Poor me! You need a bigger cat. That thing takes forever.

6-14
M2: C3 likes everything.

Chris Doner to Mark's kids as Sinh chases them: Don't let him get you! He's got diseases….

6-16
Dad: You look like you've been up all night on speed.

6-17
G: I reckon if I move fast enough the rain can't touch me.

Megan: it smells like child.

6-18
Doner: -grumble grumble- Asians…
Sinh: I'm used to tropical weather.
Doner: I know. Go home.

Adalyn: Who's that?
Mark: That's a big Asian.
Adalyn: Hug him.

6-20
Sinh: Did you guys just see Frodo?

6-21
Mark: You didn't bring your teacher an apple?
Doner: This isn't the 50s, Mark.

Mark: Haha. You people are actually bringing me joy today.

C3: Nothing exists.

C3: Going to get more sassy juice.

6-22
Megan: I sat at the bar to see if I could attract weirdos in my nasty clothes, and I can. He's rocking back and forth.

6-24
Sinh: ….I guess if you're hunting sharks and mermaids…

6-25
Sinh: I'd love to play with a monkey like that.

Me: Like a bro date?
M2: Woah. Woah. …yes.

6-27
Mark: I'm not taking any photos. I'm taking a sandwich and I'm going to find a stone to sit by.

Sinh talking about meeting a gynecologist: I have so many questions. It's like meeting God.

Just jerking off and driving… they teach you that in trucker school.

C3: Check this out. I'm trying to pull this out of here. It's stuck.

M2: I'm busy.

C3: This is the special hand.

Sinh: You were talking? Penises?

Nhu: Remy! Stranger Danger!

C3: I like emus, but not ostriches.

No. I'm just gonna fuck your mom.

Lance: We just like making you laugh.

6-29
Lance: I hate you, change. You fill my pocket with sorrow.

6-30
Lance: To me, Chicago is a state.

Quotes: 1-5-2013 through 4-22-2013

1-5
M2: C3 is not a cat.
C3: I can be for the right amount of money.

1-8
M2: I only want the third one. Your first two kids are going to be a mess.

Me: Need something?
M2: Jason, Zach, Billy, Kimberly, Trina and Tommy.
Me: I don't know what that means.
M2: I don't know. I was just naming Power Rangers.

Nick: I'm trying to eat.
Dad: Honey booboo, honey booboo, honey booboo's mom.

1-12
Blair: They look identical! I mean… I'm not wearing my glasses…

1-14
C3: Can you build me an army of boxes worthy of Mordor?

1-18
C3: Sounds like you're all going to get food poisoning.

1-19
Grandpa: White delights.

1-22
Dave: What's this cat's name? Not that it matters. We could call it "Disinfectant Wipes" and it'd come.

1-24
M2: Would it help if I told you I'm Asian?

1-25
Nick Cash: Crack cocaine and prostitutes. Enjoy your cake.

1-29
Sinh: I risked my life for coconut once.

1-31
Dave: You gotta play the game, bitch.

2-4
C3: Dave? Did you take my pants?

2-5
Sinh: …I get more likes with a cat photo.

M2: It's built so it will float when it's in space.
C3: Yeah. Me too.

Emily: I'm not the evil sex demon.

C3: If we live in this area I'm definitely buying a gun.

2-9
C3: Are we in a good area or bad? I see a Churches. Definitely a bad area.

2-19
Mark: I'm kind of a slum lord.

2-21
M2: I can feel your tears through the keyboard.

3-8
Anonymous: Genocide has its place.

3-12
C3: I'm going to ignore this for twelve hours and if it's still a thing….

C3: I'm pretty hit or miss tonight.

3-13
M2: I want a pony. My dreams are so great.

3-14
Mark: Waste yourself.

3-18
Emily: Gushers is my go-to example of why I don't like food to surprise me.

3-25
Anonymous: Nipple blades, glory holes, and Auschwitz.

3-28
Megan: Because he wants to spider monkey me?

3-29
C3 about M2's autobiography: Call it "Outside the Lines: A Coloring Book by Mike Ly."

3-30
C3: I am not a peep. I am not a marshmallow candy.

3-31
Jake: Abby? Do you eat bugs?

4-10
Ryan: Did that guy just pick up a lollipop?

Mark to me: Got any of those pills?

Mark: There's a pickle in his drawer. Sinh has a pickle in his drawer. Seriously. It's a pickle in a bag.

Nick Garvey: Why is everyone coughing in this house? Do I need to leave?

4-11
C3: Just get a margarita and shut the hell up.

Ryan: I'll be your scary wing-man. Sleep with him or I'll kill you.

4-12
Sean: Here is a bat manatee .

4-16
Mark: Are you  Mormon? Does your shirt say "Mormon!?"

Ryan: Aye yie yie! That hole was hot!

Mark: One of these days you're going to bite into something. You're going to get electrocuted and you're going to die.

Cam: I'm gonna go with "pop a boner."

Emily: Why would I pull it?

C3: What the fuck, bro? You fucking lizard.

C3: I don't think she can. I don't think I want to. I'm not going to be pressured into it.

Emily: No. What your finger wants to do…

Emily: I know what a Bop It is, but I meant a Skip It.

C3: The Bop It tangent is over.

Anthony: I'll just chug a bunch of water. Do you have any bread?

Megan: I have a violin and she wants to play it.

4-17
Cam: A filter? A filter!? You Canadians doing your weird shit…

Cam: Who's Elmer Fudge?

Emily: I can't do.

Emily: So… Tell me about the chocolate carrots.

Cam: Yeah. That "L" word? That's carrots.

4-19
C3 holds up a mirror to me: I'm surprised you didn't turn into stone.

4-20
Joe: It's like an escape pod for your phone.

4-21
Candace: You cannot throw a Coach purse off the balcony!

4-22
Mark: I'm black.

Doner: I think you just gave yourself cancer.

C3: It's stabbin' time.

Quotes: Lost and Found

Sometimes the quotes I collect are scribbled on tiny sheets of paper. In the process of packing up for the sake of moving, lots of these little sheets were found.

Barbara: ...whoever pays me the most.
Paul: I'll give you thirty-five hours next week.
Barbara: You're going to hell for that.

5-21-12
Paul: That guy kept staring at me. I kept giving him weird looks, hoping he'd get the hint.

6-28
Dustin about his glasses: Someone told me they make me look special.

6-30
Jonny: Remember the time I put honey on your buttons?

Paul: Alright guys... no more holocaust jokes today. 

7-7-12
Me: Why is your tongue green?
Trevor: Intergalactic space sex.

7-12-12
Me: Jonny is in the back making monkey noises.
Jess: He should be in a home.

8-17-12
Joe Bishop: I have some sort of disease. It's called "my stomach is a sensitive little school girl."

Quote List: July 1 through December 31st, 2012

7-2
Mom: I'm going to be a dung beetle in my next life. I'm going to spend my whole life looking for shit and being happy I found it.

8-4
Mom as she slams the door shut: Suzanne! No matter what, say "no!"
Mike: Do you have a calculator?

8-13
Shea: What kind of poor kids are we talking about?

8-22
My dad talking about Romney in this debate, "He looks like an adoring bride."

Mom: Thank you for not eating the last half-pea.

8-23
Dave: Roll it like a joint.

8-31
Aaron: Well this breeze can fuck off.

Luke: Ha… ahhhh. This place is fucked.

9-1
Sean: You just gotta homeless it.

Lance: I just pissed on a spider.

9-3
Anthony: Dumb ass horse movies…

Shea: She's the one that sleep walks and eats sausage, right?

Anthony: You weren't spoiled because you had hotdog buns.

Anthony: Wait- go back to her aunt and uncle. She had a baby with what?

9-8
Dad: Yeah. I'm going up a one-way street. You're buying drugs. Who cares?

9-12
Emily: Eleven pounds of ginger chews coming through.

Mom: I was ready to kill and die.

Mom: I think I have rice under my toe

9-15
Cam S.: If Batman had a watch, this would be it.

9-18
Dave: Wow. Everyone is so indecisive! Lunch should be a festive occasion…

9-18
M2: I get pissy when it rains.
Mark: You get prissy when it rains?

10-4
Dave to Sinh: You laugh like a girl.

Greg: He calls himself Vader. What a fag.

Greg: Re-cock-ulous. You're welcome.

10-6
Mom: Why do you deal me these cards?
Sue: Because I love you.

10-8
Cam S.: What is this?
Dave: A scale. For drugs.

10-12
Rosie: Dogs are awkward. Cats just kind of melt into puddles.

Nick: The fridge of poor people: Beer, pickles and jelly.

10-25
Nick: Oh. I forgot she'd have to bring her family.

10-31
Cam S.: Does anyone else smell a turkey cooking?

11-2
Cam S.: That little tree almost took out a baby

11-5
M2: The last time she went to the bank some guy offered her "favors." We get nothin'.

CD: Day drinking. It's rough.

11-14
CD: Holy essay of an email, Batman!

11-15
CD: Bippity boppity booyah.

11-27
Mark: I feel like a grizzly bear.

11-24
Mom: I don't know why animals are sexually attracted to me.

12-4
Dave: That's what I need. I need crack. Right now.

M2: It's not magic if it's real.

Dave: What happens is I HAVE gum, and then some sneaky fucking trolls come in and steal my shit.

12-13
M2: I'm slightly on drugs so everything looks cool.

12-30
Kidwell: Google "Murder in Honduras."

12-31
Ryan: The cops are gonna come. We're gonna get tased.

Quotes January 1, 2012 - August 31, 2012

1-3-12
Mom: I had a drug test and a TB test on my arm. They like me.

1-6
Julian: I stood up and could feel it in my legs.

Julian: You can't touch me while I'm touching myself.

1-26
Julian: It's a machine gun of happy beams.

1-18
Candace: You found him first. Besides, he's probably already in love with you. He'd be like, get away from me, vanilla wench! I already have my minty bride. I would be very happy for you. And attend the wedding. Looking for his brothers.

2-6
Matt A.: Can you take professional photos of me and my cat?

2-8
Mom: This is where they find the bodies.

2-11
Lance: Come. Hold this.

2-27
Jason: It's like getting punched right in the motivation.

3-1
Brenda after getting her change from the soda machine: It's Vegas!

3-10
ShaNae: What is wrong with these crazy whores?

Sue: She was just ugly. You just equated that with mean.

Sue: Who's taking so long at the brisket?

3-27
Paul to Jonny: You look like a dingo- Wait… You're not Australian, are you?

4-3
Shea to Nate: You would love to have a cat to pet while you drink tea.

5-5
Jess: Is it just me or is he a nit-picky little bitch?

Josh: Someone marked me with a pen because he thought I was too close to him.

Jim to Josh: I bet you wore a lot of corduroy.

5-7
Nate: You can't bend reality. You're not in X-Men.

5-12
Quinn: Can I eat the rest of Ellie's corn dog?
Shaun: She licked the whole thing.

5-13
Nate: Does anyone else feel like we haven't done anything other than helping the guests?
Barb: Yeah, and I hate people.

Dad: Goodbye, whore.

6-1
Micah: Shake a cancer baby.

Mo: Fuck Holland.

6-2
Lance: My armpit tickles because you tickled it.

Lance: That guy doesn't know anyone. Should we talk to him? His pants are really tight in the back anyway.

Lance: They call me Ponyo and I fucking hate it.

6-7
Mom: It's like zapping ketchup: Hot-boiled barbecue sauce.

Nate: When it's late at night and I have to go to the kitchen for a glass of water- that's the song I sing.

6-9
Shea: How many burgers do you want?
Nate: Four if I'm feeling gutsy.
Shea: Jesus. Really?
Nate: Yeah. I'm fueled by self-loathing.

6-10
Barb: This is what the color brown would taste like.

Auden: It's going to be loud for us, and we're going to get an ear infection.

6-21
Stefphen: What is that? A lynx or something?

7-4
Rebecca: For breakfast this morning, I had like… licorice.

7-21
Josh: She doesn't check your work, does she?

7-22
Shea: It's like hiking for your brain.

7-28
Josh: Why do you have a machete?
Me: Why don't you have a machete?
Josh: Because I'm not leading the life of the Children of the Corn.

UNDATED:
Nate: You're really good at laughing.

Nate: Chortle, chortle, chortle. 

Quotes: April 30th to December 31st

4-30
Tyler: Tom? I have a questions about tea.

Tyler to Tom: Do all British people have short arms?

5-7
Lance: I don't want water beetle friends….

5-16
Kidwell Hugs Dmitri: You're a big guy!
Kidwell Hugs Bryan Jones: You're a little guy!

5-23
Lance: I want to go out in a field and Sound-of-Music it.

5-29
Kyle Turner: Someone asked me what purpose cats serve… Let me put it this way, we bought 40 pounds of dog food… and zero pounds of cat food. That's all I'm saying…

6-8
Kelsey: Roley poley dumpy babies living off bagel bites.

6-17
Tracy: I'm going to have to drink a beer right here in the walmart parking lot.

6-18
Kendall: A beetle! A grasshopper! I love nature!

6-23
Tyler: I heard someone say "chillax" the other day and I almost punched him in the face.

6-29
Kyle Turner: You know that if you get too many artistic people in a room we all just end up painting each other...

7-23
Dad: It's like I have baby ass hair on my head.

8-7
Katie: Is your happy place full of unhappy people?

8-10
Peter Kromberg: These lies get more outrageous each year.

8-13
Mom to Nick: Does it not make you feel gay at all to judge the temperature of the bathroom water?

8-19
Mom: I like to play Sink the Splenda.

8-20
Tom! Look! Turkeys!
Tom: Dexety dang dang dang. I was so excited I didn't know what to say.

8-28
Cam P.: if and when you get married, could i sing at your wedding?

8-29
Mom: Percocet humor.

8-31
Elsie: I want to dry my hair outside in the wind.

9-8
Maria: He says his dad kicked him in the head when he was a kid.
Lauren: Like a lot?

9-13
Dad: I always wait for your smile. It makes me bright inside.

9-17
Joe from Rise Against: You going to the show tonight?
Me: I wish I could, but no.
Joe: Awe, then I don't want to go either.

10-8
Jake (covered in a Rams blanket): I'm a witch.
Me: You look more like a ghost.
Jake (still covered in the Rams blanket): I'm a ghost.

10-9
Starbucks guy: Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get started for you today?
Me: I actually need a minute if that's okay.
Starbucks guy: Sure take your time. Just let me know when you're ready.
Me: Okay thanks.
Starbucks guy: -starts humming the jeopardy theme song-
Me: ugh. You suck.

10-15
Jenn: Is that the town with the white squirrels?
Jessica: God, I hope so!

10-19
Me: What's that sound?
(the other) Micah: Wolves. Howling.

10-29
Me: It kind of hurts.
Dad: I know. It's like sucking in your brain.

10-30
Kristi: How special is it? Like on a scale of 1-10? Like 0 being plain toast and 10 being unicorns?

11-1
Dad: I gotta quit doing that. Now I'm dizzy.

11-4
Mike (age 8): Do you know what patience is?
Jake (age 3): I'm gonna beat you down.

11-13
Me to my dad: Do you like cherries?
Mom: I like cherries if they come in the form of pie.

11-17
Amanda: I'm breathing in my mouth from anger.

Amanda: It's like titanic smooth jazz.

11-24
Sue: It took my mom a year and a half to deliver.

Grandpa: There are several buckets of dirt.

Mom: That's a whole potato that didn't get mashed in.
Sue: I told you it was lumpy.

12-10
Aaron: What kind of coffee is this? I went to McDonald's once and didn't realize you have to do all that shit yourself.

Mo: I'm gonna touch your boob by the end of the night.

Mo: … shitting in the sink …

Mo: I was trying to heel-fight you. Just do it!

Mo to Eli: You look like a gay.

12-12
Mom: I got to use my tambourine today.

12-16
Mom: Greg got Mike a Chia Obama head.
Dad: But that's what I wanted…

12-21
Mom: You don't want to watch Justin Queerber
Dad: The Beibs?

12-25-11
Dad: Hun? I put hairspray under my arms. I don't know what to do.

Unknown Date:
Greg: I'm going to go choke on a button.

Le Corbusier

So I came across this couch, and I figured I'd share it. Now you can take home a little piece of Corbusier from Regency Shop. I wonder what Crobusier would think about merchandise in his style being sold online...

Quote List: Winter 2010-11 & Final Spring Semester Senior Year 2011

12-14
Mackenzie: When John and Kate broke up, I cried.

12-15
Lance: Infomercials are NOT awesome.
Johnna: WHAT!? Shake Weight!

Johnna: It's like a hobo habitat.

12-18
Me (about the Wizard of Oz): This is always on now.
Dad: That's because kids like it, and they ran out of Christmas shit.

12-28
Mom: These earrings make me want to break out in a rendition of Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.

Dad: Take back all the queer stuff.

12-30
Vinnie: woosh.
Mom: You should be tired. You worked hard.

Mom: Gary Coleman died like three months ago. We had a moment of silence for him. That might not be true.

Mom: Dad thinks that Sherri thinks he's gay.
Nick: Sherri thinks your gay?
Dad: Did you see those shoes?

1-2
Me: Name an artist.
Kenny: Leonardo DiCaprio

1-4
Lynn: I've been ripped off by a lot of deaf people.
Cromwell: Cool!

1-5
Cromwell: Why do we spend the time burning someone when we could just shoot 'em?

Cromwell: Where are the bicycles- over there. Fuck you.

1-6
Lance: This is my squid, and I will call him Squiddy.

Cromwell: His sister: Where are the pictures of my kids?
Cromwell: I have no idea where they are. They're in a box somewhere.

Cromwell: "New York loves him for his oblique pragmatism." What the fuck is oblique pragmatism?

Cromwell: I don't understand this. This is brilliant.

1-7
Maeghan about my mugs: Oh they feel special.

1-12
Sam: There's not a single mother-fucker at KCAI that's Burt Reynolds.

1-18
Cromwell: We'll fuck on the back of the bus, won't we? ... I don't mean YOU people. I mean metaphorically.

1-21
Jenn: How's THAT going to work?
Jessica; probably just fine.

David: I was looking at my R2D2 when I woke up and I was wondering if I should open it up and carry it in my pocket as a good luck charm...

David: And Jenn doesn't know shit about art.

1-24
Sean: Yeah, I looked it up, Dmitri wouldn't tell me.

Dmitri: I'm committing myself to good ideas this semester.
Mo: It's good to have goals.

Kidwell: And finally.... who is that strange man, and what is he doing here?

Johnna: There will be the occasional black woman, and I'm like, "that's not in Troy."

1-25
Luke: I'd eat sand before I ate a baby.

Jason: I'm drunk and weeping. I wouldn't be sarcastic right now.

1-31
Dustin: He's not wearing anything.
Kidwell: At first I thought that was Paul Diamond. Not that I know anything about his anatomy...

2-2
Jessica: I love him, he covers everything in rhinestones...

2-4
Chris: Are you a senior?
Johnna: Yeah are you gonna down grade me some more?
Kidwell: Is that possible?

Kidwell: Hello justification. Are you optically aligning? Nay.

Chris to Dmitri: Maybe it was the typography in your book that made them not want to go into design.
Kidwell: WOooh. Bo-da-bah!

2-9
Kidwell: The Museum of Sex they did. Sadly there's no imagery.

Kidwell: I can tell. I'm like Santa.

Kidwell: I can go on for days about sponges.

2-11
Dmitri: Let's just face it. You suck at catching things.
Johnna: I can't help it, it's small, hard and misshapen.

Luke starts randomly laughing
Abigail: What?
Luke: Did you see the kitty on the roof?

2-14
Tyler: I tried to frighten you. I was gonna stand behind you until you turned around.
Abigail: Why did you want to frighten me?
Tyler: I thought you'd enjoy it.

Micah to me: You're the cake boss of design.

Kidwell: Don't laugh at this day.

Kidwell to me: What bitch do you want to grind?

2-18
Phyllis: Excuse me. I locked my stupid ass out of the office.
Reed hands her his key, She leaves.
Reed: I love Phyllis.

2-20
Dmitri: I mean what's he going to do, spank us?
Amanda: Oh my God I hope so.

Dmitri to Sean: If you get nervous and rabbit fuck the shit out of this...

2-23
Kidwell: Monument to lost virginity? ...perhaps.

Kidwell about Johnna being late: What do you bet that she comes in, and is like -sigh-?

Chris: Anyone seen Bryan Jones today?
Johnna: He disappears randomly.
Micah: He's a shape-shifter.

Luke: Seizure!

Kidwell: Flowers... fish...
Luke: Kisses...

2-24
Dustin: I wish he wasn't in photo, cuz I miss his body.

2-28
Sean: Oh my god, I don't know why I know this.
Johnna: We had this talk last night. You like Celine Dion and white chocolate mochas...

3-4
Jenn: I wished my hair produced flowers. I wished my something produced flowers.... wait....

Dmitri: Like "eat your beans today!"

Kidwell: Maybe I need to go to a confessional or something.

Johnna to Sean: Are you gonna get up and dance like a woman?

Kidwell: I think my mom made me a poncho once.
Dustin: That's the sketch for the poncho right there.
Kidwell: Not like that.

Dmitri: I drag the shit out of that.

3-5
Tammy: I wanna see you get a running start. That's why we have a runway.

Bryan: Carly I need an answer that only you know. What's the address of this place?

Lance: I can't just say "woah?"
Dmitri: Are you Keanu Reeves?

3-6
Kidwell: Good thing it's not completely dark in here and the room's full of knives.

Dustin: You're like the little girl previewing Brittany Spears.

3-8
Kidwell: And then there's the Give A Fuck factor.

Kidwell: It's shrimp scampi night at the Kidwell house. At some point your relationship boils down to a schedule.

Kidwell to Jessica: I want to slap you.

Kidwell: Hah haha ha..... asses.

Abigail: So I can start weeding some of these out...
Kidwell: Heh, "weed."

Mo: Lance? Do you have any crackers?

Dmitri: No, no, no. My coffee does not smell like spaghetti-o's. 

Dustin: There needs to be a "no fucking way" button.

Kidwell: You guys are going to be industrial designers when you leave, then Sean is going to have to find something else to do with his life.
Sean: What does that mean?

Kidwell: What!? There's the word "sex" in there! Oh my goodness. You can make a project out of anything. Now I understand the lipstick video....

3-11
Dmitri to Sean: That IS my pencil! I knew you had it, you bastard!

3-15
Mckenzie: My fingers smell like potatoes.

_______


SPRING BREAK QUOTES (3-13 through 3-16)

Micah: I'm in the market for 100 count sheets. It's like sleeping in lotion.

Patrick: That's a fuckin' rat, bra!

Matthew: Let's make a design baby.

Lance (suddenly stops laughing): You have a pickle?
Mckenzie: Two!

Abigail: These are yours?
Flatstock Printmaker: Yep.
Abigail: Then I think I love you.
Flatstock Printmaker: I love you too, just don't tell my wife.

_______


3-21
Kidwell: First day of spring! First day of spring!

Kidwell: Son-of-a-bitch-shit!

Kidwell: Are we waiting for anyone?
Micah: Bryan.
Kidwell: So we're not waiting for anyone.

Dustin: Just thinking of the dangers of cold poles...

Kidwell: No, no discourage, no.

Johnna: Pool of jell-o.
Kidwell: I don't get that.... would it be cut in squares?

Kidwell: They didn't have much to do besides pile the rocks.

3-23
Abigail: I'm supposed to bring a friend– even if they're kicking and screaming.
Lance: I'll punch you.

3-25
Does anyone have an old man dongle?
Mo: Lance does.

Micah:  Everyone else would let it go. We see it as opportunities.

3-28
Kidwell: Nooo don't touch that. Don't touch it!

Kidwell to Bryan: Now I'm starting to talk like you. I'm getting crazy.

Kidwell: I will never hit you. The bottle of coke flying across the room will hit you.

Kidwell: Anyone else? Micah Barta? Meredith? <- not in class

Kidwell: I can't tell you how many I sit through where they're just like "............. I'm done."

3-30
Kidwell: Where's my pointing stick?

Kidwell: Where arrowheads? Where?

Micah: I'm getting gifts left and right. I'm making out like a Mexican police chief.

Kidwell: Do they still pay for blood?

Tyler: You smoke cigars?
Mo: Yeah
Tyler: That's hilarious.

3-31
Sean: That's a good song.
Dmitri: I made it up myself.

4-1
Sean: My S key is screwed up.
Dmitri: Your S key.... We had this discussion last night. I even said, "Dude, your S key is effed up," and you laughed really hard...?

Kidwell: Have you made anything since we last met?
Mo: I made this.
Kidwell: What the hell is that?

4-5
Dustin: I just keep thinking of the word feces... It's my favorite word.
Luke: I said "huh" because I'm deaf and can't read your text.

4-6
Dustin: Lance? You can let the people at starbucks know that I am still surprised that there are raisins in my bagel when it's supposed to be multi grain.

Dmitri: Your favorite movie is Bad Boys II. You didn't like Ratatouille. You didn't like Wally. Case and point.

Kidwell: He's brain damaged, isn't he?

4-7
Sean: Carly? Do you know where my fucking exactos are?
Carly pulls off her headphones: What?
Sean: How was your day?

4-8
Dustin: He's a douche. He said, "booty slappin.'"

Amanda: Look at this bug I just killed
Johnna: Ew! You probably have AIDS.

Dustin: I had a rat that had mites once.

Kat, way too excited: I feel sick inside too!

4-11
Kidwell: It's deforming me!

Dustin: It's two-sweater weather, y'all.

Dustin: Doesn't it look like Lance is humping something?
Lance: Looks like my what is what?

Sean to Dmitri, while holding a tape measure: I wonder how far it is from my forehead to your forehead.

4-16
Josh Zink: I didn't get a salad. I got an orange.

4-18
Johnna: I feed raccoons crackers, but the one has started bringing friends to my house.

Kidwell: Would you know what W is? Water? White?

4-21
Me to Sean: Why are you so mock-snippy tonight?
Dmitri: Mock Snippy. Sounds like a rapper name. MS for short.

4-23
Johnna: I have to go I have real shit to do tomorrow.
Joe: I have to work.
Johnna: You work at Walmart in the garden center!

Johnna: I always have time to make babies.

Sean: I was going to drive to Blurb headquarters and burn it down.

Johnna: Everything grosses Dustin out, except floppy penises. Which grosses me out and I also like penis.

4-25
Bryan stands up to present his and Jessica's project
Kidwell: Why is Bryan doing this?

4-28
Johnna: I mean, I have patients. I take care of (...)....

Mo: Brian probably played with rocks.... Lots of rocks.

Tammy: Damn everybody. Everybody's shit.

4-29
Kidwell: If you ever want to feel better about your life, go to a hospital.

cool stuff

Paul Cool Friday

http://www.beonlineb.com/

http://www.empireonline.com/gallery/gallery.asp?GID=2353

http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/logo-design-gone-wrong/