Quotes: First Quarter 2014

12-30
Danel: I don't want to hurt you. I just want to pet you to death.

12-31
Shea: Pretend he's a girl.

Me: I'm not judging too hard. Aloud.
Rob: I can hear it!

Rob about his car: It's hot like a weight lifting chick.

1-3-14
Nhu: I saw sausages in the kitchen.

Mark: LG? They make TVs and ice makers.

C3: Ooh you're making me giggle.

C3: She has puppy-pecia.

1-7
M2: Well this... was a waste... of my time. ...Ooh! Markers!!

1-9
Danel: Those were some nice kicks.
Me: Thanks. I can kick higher when I don't have these boots on.
Danel: You only have to kick this high to take me out.

1-10
C3: I killed a biker for this jacket. I killed him with a chain. I wasn't wearing a shirt. I got cut up and dirty, but not too dirty

1-15
Nhu: Is there a word for self-torture?
C3: Masochism.
Nhu: Assafixem?

C3: You're a grown woman. You know what boobs look like.
Nhu: Not a black woman's.

Nhu takes a sip of C3s coffee: Black coffee. Takes a sip of her own coffee: Sugar coffee.

Rob: If your dog were a human it'd be a crayon eater.

Rob: Just call me the waffle whisperer.

1-16
Rob: I brought you meat.

1-17
Rob: "Creeper" would be me sitting in the room with all the lights off laughing.

Rob: All I want right now... is Lee's Chicken.

Rob: What do you want from me? Perfection? I know what I want from me... Lee's Chicken.

1-25
Mom: It became this layer of fuck-tastic stuff...

1-26
Rob: I don't want you to see my gimp suit.

Rob: You're really going to make me play this for you to prove I'm not full of shit.
Me: I know you're not full of shit.
Rob: Alright. To impress you then.

Rob: And only you and I know we're going to wear it out like a dirty whore.

Rob: I'm really glad to see you. You bring sanity to my world.
Me: I'm the sane part of your life? That's kind of sad.
Rob: Don't under value yourself.

1-29
Rob: His proportions are wrong.
Howard: He was drawn wrong?
Rob: The big drawer in the sky.... was on Hydrocodone.

1-30
Rob: Last time it was the big hairy guy with the penis. What should we do this time?

Me: Can you feel my glare?
Rob: It burns!

1-31
C3: Well now what am I gonna do? I guess I'll get pretty drunk and go shoot guns tomorrow.

2-1
C3: My feet is too dry.

2-3
Me: You suck
Doner: That's what I do.

2-7
Danel: Well I mean... If you think about it... If you stab someone with an icicle it would just melt and leave a hole. "The perfect murder. He was stabbed with an icicle..." So yeah that'll cost you twenty bucks.

Budde: Don't spank my ass. Get it.

2-11
Mark: everybody loves me and talk bad about me when I go home.

Rob: Abby needs to be here right now. We'd giggle like two little bitches.

Wilson: He made me put the teapot on the coaster.

2-12
Danel: I don't like sticky things on my phone. It kind of freaks me out.

Danel about Sinh: His biscuit head is too top heavy. It makes him fall over.

2-14
Mike Ly: I hate this guy over here. See? All he does is serenade me.

Dawn: Speaking of friends... Where's my goddamn wake and bake?

Wilson: Well. Long story. I'm waiting for him to finish a poem and a D&D character.

2-15
Me: Just for the record I did not strip for this dollar.
Nick: Just for the record he (Anthony) probably did.

2-16
Ellie: Can my kindle do that? Just say no.

2-18
Danel: Hoodie. What the hell.

Mark: See? When I google it I get beanie babies.

2-19
Danel: You're not salty like a biscuit. You're sweet. "You're a sour patch." Fuck you.

2-22
Noelle: No problem, Nebraska.

2-23
Noelle: False hopes, Wyoming

2-25
Jessica. This is where we keep our community food, like Sriracha and tea...

2-27
Joe: Tea?
Andy: Tea? I love you. I want your babies.

3-1
Joe E.: When in doubt, shove it in your slot.

3-8:
Josh Stafaniack: What did you get her, a jar full of hate?

3-11
Nick Garvey: I think the drummer is a paranoid schizophrenic

3-15
Caroline: Her middle name isn't Slut.

Mom: Think you can hold it steady?
Caroline: I'm not sure.

Caroline: Fuck the Lent bullshit.

Katie: I should spit on Kristen.

3-18
Vedran: nenenenenenene
Me: That was not a batman noise.
Vedran: I got excited.

C3: I should be a parrot.

3-21
Rob: I wanna go to the white trash capital of MO this spring.
Me: Jeff city has some of the best ice cream. Central Dairy. Mmm.
Rob: I definitely meant Six Flags.

3-28
Me: Are you done signing that card yet?
Doner: All I've done is draw nipples so far.

3-31
Rob: You're such a fragile flower.

Mark: Hey! Did you see my hammock?!
Doner... Worst sexual innuendo ever.

Me: Do you ever feel like you're making potions?
Rob: YES! ...yes.

Quotes: Fourth Quarter 2013 (most of them, anyway...)

Due to a glitch, a chunk of the quote list was sadly lost forever in a sea of technological misfortune. On the plus side, the quotes that remain intact are worth the read :) 

10-1 

Cash: I will wear a helmet. 

10-2
Mark: ...we keep him in the basement. 

Rob: It's like drinking a campfire. 

Rob: I'm like a 14 year old girl....

10-3 
Sinh: I never shower. Fuck that. 

Steve: Actually, I'm waiting for my gun so I can get the hell out of here!

Druid: I've got a case of princessites.

Rob: You fucking suck. At life. 

10-4 
Rob: I guess I could be Robin... 

Rob: What if I don't want him to do it?

Vedran: I trimmed my Serbian beard. 

C3: they're pleated. They hide stuff. 

C3: I don't know what he's looking at down there. 

Cash: I'll text you if I'm funny. 

10-7 
C3: So what do you do when you're not wearing sweaters and drinking beer?

Cash: Isn't that the plot of Jurassic Park?

Chris Seaton: I could probably tackle an Australian / New Zeland gal. 

10-9 
Rob: I used to think capers were gross, too. Then I grew up. 

Rob: You can't have Fritos?!

10-10 
Cash: If this text conversation was about to be a college level research paper, that would be the motherfucking hook, my friend. 

10-9
Rob: I just learned that Sprite is the number one drink for helping with a hangover. I don't really like sprite, but I'd give it a try. 

9-10: Rob walks in and sets a giant bottle of sprite on my desk. 

10-9

Mark: The last time I tried to program my garage door opener using a YouTube, I opened my neighbor's. 

10-11
Mark: If you are not Scottish a kilt is just a skirt. 

Nhu: They have happy hour from 2-6

C3: Every hour is happy for me.

Mark: Every hour is not happy for me. I will not sugar coat it. 

Rob: Do not take anything I say seriously unless I say..."I'm serious."

Rob: Facebook is for children. 

Rob: This is how you make me feel when you order me to do things...

 

Mark: I just need you to find me the fairies. 

Cash: Tegan and Sara are my spirit animal. 

Woodge: Let's just call it a rapey bar. 

Woodge: I know you're friends with him, but it looks like he dyed his hair with koolaid.

Cash: I'm about 87% sure he did. 

Cash: You're interesting. 

Woodge: Thanks. I'm 30.

Cash: Do you want me to get more wood? Do you want me to blow on it?

Cash: You make me happy on a spiritual level. 

Woodge: I love this night. Lets give hugs. 

Woodge: Ducks like meth. 

Cash: If I ever own a duck... 

Woodge: He doesn't have teeth.

10-12 
Rob: I'm like a little girl. Bladder the size of a thimble. 

10-15 
Jax: That's not what I'm trying to say. The monkey is not in the oven. 

10-17 
Me: Is that a burn mark?

Mark: Yes. I set it on fire. 

10-18 
C3: Do you think that truck is full of blood?

C3: I'm gonna go pee in the alley.

THIS IS WHERE THE TRADGEDY STRUCK AND SEVERAL GREAT QUOTES WERE LOST....

10-30

Cash: It's thicker than I'm used to.

Cash: Weird place for the trail to be

Cash: That's one thing Jim Beam has on candy...

10-31 
Mark: That would be gay.

Mark: I find great release in ironing.

Mark: Dogs don't count. Especially starving weird ones.

11-2 
Cash: If I could give one thing to the block...

Cash: Card master and picking thumbs. 

11-3 
Cash to me: Settle down, White Fang.

Me: What kind of pizza do you like?
Cash: Baby making music.

11-7 
Vedran: Anyone listen to the new Eminem album?
Me: Yes. Love it.
Vedran: Tits.

11-13 
C3: If you wear a suit without gloves you look like a business man. If you wear a suit with gloves you look like an assassin.

Cash: You made a waffle called The Smith & Wesson?
Me: I did indeed...
Cash: Marriage material. 

Rob: ... But if you fuck up my fu-man...

Rob: I look like a catfish.

11-15
Vedran: Sinh, I'm going to visit you this weekend and chop your fingers off.

C3: Why is everyone laughing today? FROWN!

Doner: Thumb meat butt.

C3: That was a joke about domestic violence. It was funny.

Garvey: I don't know what this is. "Stockholm syndrome?" Am I retarded?
Me and c3: Yes.

Anthony: When I popped what came out?
Garvey: A defective condom would have been good....

C3: BAM! ...call me Emeral.

C3: I bite my thumb at thee!
Anthony: Well I give you the raspberries.

Garvey: That's because Mexico is dirty.

C3: Dammit she loves pterodactyl eggs! She fucking loves pterodactyl eggs!

Anthony: I can fix it! ...I can't fix it.

Anthony pushes the table, and looks around confused: Oh. I meant to scoot myself.

Garvey: She's a fat fucking bitch.
Me: I thought you loved her.
Garvey. I do.

Anthony. That wasn't even funny, but I laughed at it.

Garvey: HAHAHA! Iiiiii need to look this up.

Anthony: Actually those look like the gloves you'd wear when you kill someone...

11-19 
Rob. I'm offering you an egg. I'm offering you an egg, and you're laughing at me.

Rob: Do you like peas?

C3: The sun will come out tomorrow
Cash: Doubt it.

11-20 
Joe: My sister used to throw scissors at me.

Me: I'm working on my stop motion.
Cash: Me too. As in, I've stopped moving.

Doner: That's ok. I was too busy emailing you from the future.
M2: That was you?!

11-21 
Rob: feels like a bad moon rising...

11-22
Sinh: Danel!
Danel: What!?
Sinh: It works.
Danel: Oh my god. Here I come.

Seaton: It's a tri-win-da

Seaton: Oh! Here's me in a turtle shell.

Seaton: I have a chest, too.

11-23
Garvey. I like the Latino bitch.
Cash: She's Israeli.

Random guy at Picassos: One of my buddies... Is writing a book.... About dragons.

Garvey: Cupboards!? I like people that say "cupboards." Ah. Sorry. Continue.

Cash: Have you ever tasted a real man?

11-24 
Shea: I like murder.

Shea: He's tiny and he's fast, and he can fit under trees!

Ellie: Oh my god. This is not my favorite song.

Shea. I'm just tired from getting low.

11-25 
M2: I got shocked in the ear hole the other day...

11-26 
Rob: .... I just saw Steve running.

Rob: ... Can I just pet her??

11-27 
Shanesha: That pie was amazing. I wanna put it in some ice cream... Or a milkshake... I need a nap.

11-29
Mom. I need my.... Get it for me!

Druid's Nick: Who licked me?

11-30 
Rob: Definitely had dreams with raccoons in them last night.

Me: What is it with you and those gloves?
C3: They separate me from this filthy world.

Rob: Wanna make sausage?

12-2
Me: That actually made me really happy.
Rob: Are you blushing?

Vedran to Sinh: Shut up. Go back to your zone. Nobody likes you.

12-4 
Hitler was pretty awesome.

Howard: I'm a guy. There's blue and orange and pink... And sometimes you mix them and get different colors...?

12-5 
Rob: You know how many people are not coordinated? Lots.

Rob: Look. I even found one that's small and broken for you.

Rob: Have you ever thought about genocide?

Rob. Sausage making bee man.

Rob: From butts to wieners.

12-6
Nhu: Are you ok?
Vedran: I'm drunk.

M2: Hey, Danel is here!
Vedran: Let's punch him in the throat!

12-7 
C3: I love man meat.

C3: At least you don't have a crappy little hand.

Anthony: What's a figgy pudding?

C3 Do I touch it?

12-10
Rob: Shoot me
Me: Only if you shoot me first
Rob: Aww. It's like a death pact. How cute.

Me: Why do you keep bees?
Rob: it's like having 60,000 little pets.

Rob: hahahajajajaha... That was me laughing partly in Spanish.

12-12 
Rob one of these days I'm going to wear my wrestling clothes and then your ass is mine.

Rob: my jeans aren't that tight.

Cash: Oh nom nom nom. Daddy issues.

Cash: I look like a pink candle kind of guy.

C3: Rube-in-stine

12-3 
Cash: I have a tongue like iron

12-24 
Starbucks guy: She's like a chinchilla. She takes baths in dust.

12-28
Jake: I really want to go back to my family.

Shea: Know what I like about drag queens?

12-29 
Caroline: Someone needs a nap. And it's me.

Quotes: Third Quarter 2013

7-4 

C3 about the meatballs my mom was cooking: How close are those to being done?

Jonny: I used to have a crush on Mulder... That's the woman right?

Shea: Are those Xmen dollars?

Erica: That's weird. That's a weird thing to love. 

Vanessa after a super loud firework: Oh my god is that ok!?

Shea: You should watch Erica's sex syrup. 

7-6 

M2: I mean... I remember going to Cracker Barrel....

Me: You mean Crack Fox?

M2: I like fodder. It's a good word, starts with f...

M2: Small dreams in the day time.

C3: It's like a dragon eating a rat fetus. 

7-7 

Mom: Grab that baby!

7-8 

Nhu: Where'd I put that sandwich? Oh shit. It's on the floor. 

7-10 

Mom: I think she buffed a hair off my toe and then laughed about it. 

7-11 

Emily: Hopefully I make some friends, and they don't like... rape me. 

7-13 

C3: There was too much talking and not enough robot fighting. 

M2: Too late. Already touching it. 

Me: You'd get a nice nap in.

M2: Yeah it's called a concussion.

7-18 

I mean I like powdered sugar, but not on twat waffles.

I mean if my fictional girlfriend told me we were having twat waffles for breakfast.... 

7-19

Mark: Now I can drink another ten cups of coffee and die. 

Mark: This is the stripper by the way. Thanks for that.

Audrey: How do you know?

Mark: She told me. In the interview.

7-20 

Sue: Try to look black.

 

Jake: He tried to drown me.

7-21 

C3: I sat in some sap.

7-22 

Mark to me: You are my father. 

Doner: Cheerio, mother fucker.

Ol: I hope your day is game as fuck. 

7-31 

Dad: It sounds profane. If anyone FBed me I'd go kick their ass.

8-2 

C3: nothing cures boredom like cocaine. 

8-3

C3: I like hitting things with sticks.

Emily: I'm pregnant with thought. 

C3: Look at that kitty. It's like a little panther. 

8-4 

Emily: Do you remember the robot that was stalking me?

8-5 

Me: I could get you some kale.

Mark: I'd rather die. 

8-7 

Mark. What are these mason jars in here? It looks like urine.

Sinh: He's a cool cat, and I like cats. 

C3: Have you ever seen a kangaroo? They are t-rex deer. 

M2: Can I pass on this post-hiking breakfast? I'm afraid this may manifest into post-hiking mid-day drinking. 

8-10 

C3: There's your dose of smiles for the day.

Mike T: They poop out eggs. A lot. 

Jake, about N64: Want me to let you win?

8-13 

Druid: I know how to handle a staff. 

8-14 

C3: You're a vampire.

Nick Garvey: I hate churches because.... 

Nick Garvey: I bet you did. Because you're a great artist. 

Random bar guy: I have a Ryan Adams tattoo. 

Nick Garvey: I know what his job is. He's a Walmart greeter. 

Nick Garvey: I'm straight right now. I'd fuck a girl right now. 

Nick Garvey: I could sell this cigarette for a crack rock. 

Nick Garvey: I'm sorry my fancy shoes don't click when I walk. 

C3: I hope I don't look like that when I run. 

Nick Garvey: I pissed on Wash U. 

C3: You thought about it and then you ran into the bushes. 

8-15 

Tim: Were you the bait?

Audrey to Druid: I'm gonna stab you later. 

Tim: I can't finish a bottle of Hendricks. I'll die.

8-16

C3: ...and there's my train of thought so no one ask me any more questions.

M2: There's nothing but crazy, and cocaine, and bitches. 

Emily: Lord of the Rings characters: Smeagol.

C3: Aragorn.

Me: Gandalf

Nhu: Is it Billy..?

C3: I'm the second coming of Aaron Carter. Carter two.

Mom. He's gay... is he strong?

8-21 

Mark: I don't want you to see his naked body. 

Mom: She's six, and I'm afraid of this little bitch. She's gonna shank me. 

Woodge: I'm going to steal this, and I don't want anyone to see

Me: What is it?

Woodge: This rock. 

8-24

Cash: I like leather. 

Cash: To the disappointment of many a fellow, I'm not.

Me: Sit still.

Keo: I can't do that, or I'll explode. My whole body is the bus from Speed.

8-27

C3: I think our intern is getting cheeky. 

C3: All the tasties are back. 

8-29 

Mark to me: If you google "Chris Bruehl" your photo comes up.

Mark: What are you doing, Chris?

Doner: Googling "spider eyes."

Advice from Kidwell: Pepto and vodka. 

8-30

Mark: Sure that's just what we need. Give you sharp objects to throw.

Cash: So that's going to be a whole bunch of pajamas.

Cash: No one expects velocorapters.

Cash: 20-80.

Cash: Sometimes, I'm a keeper.

Cash: You know what happens when I don't fidget? My butt hurts! 

Cash: I like how my head feels.

Cash: I wish you could feel my head.... no... from the inside.

Cash: You might want to get more water cuz I drank yours too. ...I started laughing when I finished both. 

9-3 

Emily: .........glob glob.

C3: I'm not sure what to do with that. I'm going to let that one simmer. 

9-5 

C3: I like him... He's just so fucking different. In so many ways.

M2: ...Sorry pupils are dilated. 

9-6 

Julian. I like Science City

Me: You mean the Science Center?

Me: I like cinnamon on grits.

Lance: I like cinnamon on butter. 

9-7 

Cash: Raptor assisted genocide. 

Cash. You have to know when to pull out. 

9-9 

Doner: Want to see something awesome?

M2: Does it involve a primary color?

9-10 

Doner: We suck five!

Emily: I don't like random solids surprising me in my liquids! 

C3: Not supposed to be a surprise or random. 

9-10 

Doug: You want to do what with that!?

9-11 

Daniel Ronnback: It's bluebird, and between every photo you have the best days of your life. 

Doner to M2: Are you eating yogurt and steak? 

9-12 

Antoine Berger: Life is a succession of choices. 

C3: I'm not really a montage person.

9-13 

Doner: I was going for "ghost." You're the only person that can see me. See? Sinh. Sinh. Hey Sinh!

M2: I want to steal his keys... GTA 5 is coming out soon and I kinda want to prepare... These are very girly keys. I don't want them anymore. How would Doner set down his keys? -slams them down- 

Vedran: you want me to go hiking? I'm foreign!

C3: Now I'm going to search that and see what comes up... This is a fun game. 

C3: You should bring me meat every day. 

Emily: This is blasph-fucking-eme 

C3: It takes a special kind of man to look attractive when he's pooping. 

Emily: What are you... like... a manist? 

Megan: I understand white people speak. 

9-14 

Mom: She doesn't drink!

Sue: But she's still funny...

Pawpaw: eat the hamburger. Don't eat the pie. 

9-17 

Cash: And soon I will recede into my subterranean lair. ...Soon. 

Matt: I thought it was black people and everyone else. 

9-18

Vedran: Love you. No homo. 

9-19 

C3: I'm like 25% Chinese at this point.

9-20 

Mark: Cut this. CUT IT FOR ME!

9-21
Cash: Anytime I look for anything in this house I find a gun instead. Looking for packing tape? Gun. Lighter fluid? Gun. I'm sure everything I need in life is actually in the gun safe.

Cash: I'll kiss a girl with lip gloss!

9-23 

Vedran: Did you see that!?
Doner: I did. I'm impressed.
Vedran leaves.
Doner: I'm not really impressed.

9-24 

Cash: I don't rely on medicine to make me feel better, but whiskey has been around for centuries. 

Cash: Where did he go? I'm so concerned.

Chris Seaton: Are you going to straw it again?

Cash: Might as well. I'm not enjoying it.
 

Cash: I don't always insult people, but when I do I make sure it's a good un. 

Cash: I'd drink for you. Cash 9-24

Cash: What your gonna do... Is change the dates. 

Cash: I want you to use this insult... (starts laughing and forgets what it was.)
 

9-25 

Mark: I got the idea from Donut Palace!

Mark: What else can we get juice from? The blood of former employees?

C3: Doesn't he cough on you in your sleep?

Cash: I don't always talk a lot, but when I do it's about Johnny cash. 

9-26 

Mark: My three year old calls him "the funny little man."

9-27 

Dawn: He looks like a giant wolverine 

9-30

That's what I call retarded!