Sunday, January 1, 2012

Quotes: April 30th to December 31st

4-30
Tyler: Tom? I have a questions about tea.

Tyler to Tom: Do all British people have short arms?

5-7
Lance: I don't want water beetle friends….

5-16
Kidwell Hugs Dmitri: You're a big guy!
Kidwell Hugs Bryan Jones: You're a little guy!

5-23
Lance: I want to go out in a field and Sound-of-Music it.

5-29
Kyle Turner: Someone asked me what purpose cats serve… Let me put it this way, we bought 40 pounds of dog food… and zero pounds of cat food. That's all I'm saying…

6-8
Kelsey: Roley poley dumpy babies living off bagel bites.

6-17
Tracy: I'm going to have to drink a beer right here in the walmart parking lot.

6-18
Kendall: A beetle! A grasshopper! I love nature!

6-23
Tyler: I heard someone say "chillax" the other day and I almost punched him in the face.

6-29
Kyle Turner: You know that if you get too many artistic people in a room we all just end up painting each other...

7-23
Dad: It's like I have baby ass hair on my head.

8-7
Katie: Is your happy place full of unhappy people?

8-10
Peter Kromberg: These lies get more outrageous each year.

8-13
Mom to Nick: Does it not make you feel gay at all to judge the temperature of the bathroom water?

8-19
Mom: I like to play Sink the Splenda.

8-20
Tom! Look! Turkeys!
Tom: Dexety dang dang dang. I was so excited I didn't know what to say.

8-28
Cam P.: if and when you get married, could i sing at your wedding?

8-29
Mom: Percocet humor.

8-31
Elsie: I want to dry my hair outside in the wind.

9-8
Maria: He says his dad kicked him in the head when he was a kid.
Lauren: Like a lot?

9-13
Dad: I always wait for your smile. It makes me bright inside.

9-17
Joe from Rise Against: You going to the show tonight?
Me: I wish I could, but no.
Joe: Awe, then I don't want to go either.

10-8
Jake (covered in a Rams blanket): I'm a witch.
Me: You look more like a ghost.
Jake (still covered in the Rams blanket): I'm a ghost.

10-9
Starbucks guy: Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get started for you today?
Me: I actually need a minute if that's okay.
Starbucks guy: Sure take your time. Just let me know when you're ready.
Me: Okay thanks.
Starbucks guy: -starts humming the jeopardy theme song-
Me: ugh. You suck.

10-15
Jenn: Is that the town with the white squirrels?
Jessica: God, I hope so!

10-19
Me: What's that sound?
(the other) Micah: Wolves. Howling.

10-29
Me: It kind of hurts.
Dad: I know. It's like sucking in your brain.

10-30
Kristi: How special is it? Like on a scale of 1-10? Like 0 being plain toast and 10 being unicorns?

11-1
Dad: I gotta quit doing that. Now I'm dizzy.

11-4
Mike (age 8): Do you know what patience is?
Jake (age 3): I'm gonna beat you down.

11-13
Me to my dad: Do you like cherries?
Mom: I like cherries if they come in the form of pie.

11-17
Amanda: I'm breathing in my mouth from anger.

Amanda: It's like titanic smooth jazz.

11-24
Sue: It took my mom a year and a half to deliver.

Grandpa: There are several buckets of dirt.

Mom: That's a whole potato that didn't get mashed in.
Sue: I told you it was lumpy.

12-10
Aaron: What kind of coffee is this? I went to McDonald's once and didn't realize you have to do all that shit yourself.

Mo: I'm gonna touch your boob by the end of the night.

Mo: … shitting in the sink …

Mo: I was trying to heel-fight you. Just do it!

Mo to Eli: You look like a gay.

12-12
Mom: I got to use my tambourine today.

12-16
Mom: Greg got Mike a Chia Obama head.
Dad: But that's what I wanted…

12-21
Mom: You don't want to watch Justin Queerber
Dad: The Beibs?

12-25-11
Dad: Hun? I put hairspray under my arms. I don't know what to do.

Unknown Date:
Greg: I'm going to go choke on a button.