Monday, December 28, 2015

Quote List: Fourth Quarter 2015

Monday, September 28, 2015

Quotes: Third Quarter, 2015

6-26 
Eric Melin: That's me with the tennis racket dressed like Gene Simmons. 

Eric: We are changed. 

Jason Elm: They're a hateraid drinking group of folks. 

Brendan O'Shaughnessy: Work like a captain. Play like a pirate. 

7-22
Me: Please tell me there are sloth memes.
Lauren: There are, and I found all of them. 

7-23
Lauren: You shut your mouth, man girl!

Jonny: Are you a dad perchance?
Dane: Fuck no! Just an exceptionally immature 23 year old. 
Jonny: Acceptable. 
Dane: The only children I'm interested in are my cats. 

Lauren: "Thanks for setting us up!" This is not a setup! This is a casual encounter! 

Lauren: That sip tasted like dirt. 

7-31 
Alex: He's looking at photos of... Is that bacon or steak?
Rob: it's sickle cell anemia. 

Woodge: I feel like it would be a good addition to my deep fry Barbie McDonald's.

Woodge: I need a giraffe on my head. 

8-5 
Rob: I think you're pretty grandeur. 

8-8 
Me: They were just talking about you. 
Ryan: Do they think I'm cute? 

8-9 
Rob after burping at a bag in his hand: I was speaking to these ancient beans in their ancient tongue.

8-19
Jason Elm: I had chances to leave, but never a reason. 

Jason: They can take your execution, but they can never take your idea. 

Jason: Capabilities don't give you expertise. 

Jason: Compromise up.

8-21 
Joey: Bitches have night vision. 

8-25 
Suzanne: Maybe that's the key—we need to get our clients high. 
Angie: I'll just be over here rolling for you guys. 

9-4 
Steve: we can walk through there if you want to smell like axe body spray for the next week. 

9-5 
Nick: Hey, Spencer! Want some whiskey and coke? 
Spencer: uh, duh! -takes the whole glass- 

9-11
Mom: Pelicans are assholes, but adorable to look at. 

9-13
Rob: Fine art's not going camping. 

9-18
Rob: And I can see daylight in her crotch area! 

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Quotes: Second Quarter, 2015

4-6
Rob: I watched a three-minute commercial on the internet today. It was for Friskies.

4-16
Jason: What's up with this little pile of chocolate, granola, and Tums?

4-25
Mom: Her legs are very wrinkly, like ET wrinkly.

4-30
Rob: I had a realization the other day at IKEA... Butterfly tattoos are a deal breaker.

Rob: I was not born an old man.

5-9
Lyn: It's like having an orgasm.

5-10 
Dad: Are U2 queer?

5-11 
Mom: I am not a touch fucker.

5-11 
Woodge: I like the holocaust

Woodge: Honey, you've dated a couple of lost boys.

5-16 
Me: You have a website?
Jake: You didn't google me?

5-21 
Jake: A4 is mathematically sexy.

5-23
Me: I'd be okay if the zombie apocalypse happened today.
Rob: ...I don't have that many bullets.

Me: I'm going to start sending you boxes of stuff.
Rob: Yes! I love boxes. They can even be empty.

5-24
Ryan: He plays a fife.

5-31
Rob: This sandwich is going to be messy.
Me: That's okay, I'll just eat it with a fork.
Rob: No! You cannot eat it with a fork!
Me: Why does that bother you so much?
Rob: Because we have forks! Right here! -spirit fingers-

Rob: Close your eyes. Smell this. Doesn't that make you want to be a pirate?

6-5 
Rob: You're basically walking through a sea of worthless.

Rob: Punch him in the dick like a grown woman.

6-6 
Rob: I am laughing like a crazy person alone in my apartment.

6-12 
Nick Garvey: Why does everyone that shops at Walmart look like toes?

6-17 
Alistair: I'm just an immigrant.

6-24
Brooke: All we did is hunt and forage.
Lauren: I thought you said, "all we ate was porridge."

6-25
Brooke: Do you have walker's cough, Lauren?

Steve: One of my big goals in life right now is to chill with a penguin. 

Monday, April 6, 2015

Quotes: First Quarter 2015

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Quotes: Third & Fourth Quarter 2014

7-10
Anthony: My head's on the path. Someone's gonna run it over.

7-17
Anthony: You're snark. Just go full Tony Snark on her.

7-17
Johnna: Dude, Pocahontas is fucking hot.

Julie: Am I playing against Xena warrior princess?

7-22
Rachel: You're more of the Cinderella-holding-a-grenade type.

7-31
Woodge: What can P&L stand for? Pussy and lighter fluid.

8-7
Jason: I thought I'd be drinking a bunch of beer, but I ended up drinking a bunch of tea. What am I doing? Do you have some whiskey to put in here? Because I'm kind of feeling lame.

9-4
Timothy Goodman: 



















9-16
Joshua: I hate to admit this as a guy, but pink stuff always tastes better.

10-3
Mo: I was like a ninja... With my pants down.

10-4
Chris C.: Lotta disableds.

10-6
Lyn: I'm seeing cactus!

10-16
Steve: Did I miss the dick butts?

10-19
Kyle: You mean all I have to do is give three hours of work for a sticker? I'm in.

10-21
Johnna: I'm over here having demon talk with my friend Brycen.

11-7
Hung Liu: A part of me always looks up to see the sky.

11-14
Matt: You guys wanna go to a white Walmart?

11-15
Johnna: He's better when he's sad.

11-27
Dad: I've never lived in Ferguson.

12-5
Nick: Thank you, young man.
Jake: You're welcome, large child.

12-6
Katie: You have awkwardly warm hands.

Caroline to Maryanne referring to a veil for church: Do I have to put something on my head?

12-8
Me: Are you trying to fist bump or punch me?
Jesús: Clearly I'm punching you, but it's loving, like a boxer who can't flirt properly.

12-13
Alex: I only use my gun to kill things.

12-19
Tad: I'm from Kansas City fucking Missouri.

12-22
Nicole: It's just misting. I feel like I'm in the produce isle.

12-28
Dad after changing outfits too many times: I'm going to have to take another shower.

Dad: You got your girdles and things, and I've got my underwear.

12-31
Nathan: For my birthday, can I have some drugs?
Max: What kind of drugs?
Nathan: Allergy drugs.

Cavery: ...and your name is Sheldon.