Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Quotes: Second Quarter 2013

C3: I'm bringing a couple of shirts and sherberdas.

C3: I'll bring you back something fun. Like bird flu.

Ryan: Is that Cam?
Me: No. It's a guy named Brian.
Ryan: Is that Cam's brother?

We did drugs off a cookbook.

Megan: Should I cough on that bike seat?

Nick: Don't question my uncooked pizza.

Me: Can I have a piece of the pizza?
Nick: I don't even cut it.

Megan: Wait… why is cake in parenthesis? If it means inebriation, then yes.

Shea: Hope is dead.
Vanessa: Best team captain ever.

Mark: I like drawing attention to my chest.

Joel: I'm a well of odd lingo

Woodge: Porcu-fucking-pine.

Mom: Do you have glaucoma?
Sue: No. Autism.

Sue: There goes Jim's chance.
Jim: No.
Sue: Best chance.

Sinh: Haha…. Hahahaha…. ha…
Me: What's so funny over there?
Sinh: I'm just trying to make a shitty situation better.

Mark: I can see this being creepy forever… There's a seven foot Asian man.

Tom: We're going to have great adventures. And they start tonight!

Sean: Do YOU hate Japan??

C3: Its an ancient shake weight.

C3: Never give me a sword in real life.

C3: Hello, Mr. Black Man.

C3: I took off my clothes to be quieter.

C3: I'm gonna stab your ass.

We have two clients. And one of them is Audrey.

No Pocket Friday. It can be our next Twitter campaign.

I ejaculated a smile.

Emily: He'd be like… Ew. You know? Cuz I'm a girl…

Me: You can keep this (highlighter). It matches the color of your shorts.
C3: Thanks. I can keep it in my pocket with the cap off.

M2: I'm going to the bathroom to cry by myself. You tell no one about this.

Shea: I'd slit Mother Nature's throat if she were in front of me.

C3: Just think about me when you're looking at your leftovers.

C3: Maybe you're just permanently retarded.

C3: I've got some knives….

C3: Ohh. What's this magical faerie castle?

C3: What's your name, butt boy?

Mark to Sinh: I'm going to start calling you Pocahontas.

C3: Seems like a good business for me to make black magic robes for a living.

C3: I need to tend my health.

C3: I gave him a staff of zombies so he brought that guy back.
Me: So your friend made a friend?
C3: Mmhmm. It's like paying it forward.

C3: You're gonna run out of magic soon, and then you're gonna be a sad fucking panda.

Sinh: I'm so glad I have cable again. Spent all day watching hardcore porn… Pawn!

C3: Whenever I went to the galleria with Sinh. I used to go to the movie theater for popcorn and eat it in the food court.

What do you consider a cock ring? Let's talk about that.

Emily: What's this?
C3: My happy station.

C3: I have a good joke, but I'm saving it.

Mark: Notice anything suspicious? They're all Asian porn people.

Nhu: Megan! Stop moving your face! …What are you doing?
Megan: I can't move my face.
Nhu: I can't either.

Nhu: It's dark in here. I'm thirsty. I need some water.

Megan: I'm only putting it in your mouth a little bit.

Digi: You eat like you're pregnant with three kids.

Digi: Remember the salmon?

Nhu: You threw up in this place!?

M2: Poor Remy? Poor me! You need a bigger cat. That thing takes forever.

M2: C3 likes everything.

Chris Doner to Mark's kids as Sinh chases them: Don't let him get you! He's got diseases….

Dad: You look like you've been up all night on speed.

G: I reckon if I move fast enough the rain can't touch me.

Megan: it smells like child.

Doner: -grumble grumble- Asians…
Sinh: I'm used to tropical weather.
Doner: I know. Go home.

Adalyn: Who's that?
Mark: That's a big Asian.
Adalyn: Hug him.

Sinh: Did you guys just see Frodo?

Mark: You didn't bring your teacher an apple?
Doner: This isn't the 50s, Mark.

Mark: Haha. You people are actually bringing me joy today.

C3: Nothing exists.

C3: Going to get more sassy juice.

Megan: I sat at the bar to see if I could attract weirdos in my nasty clothes, and I can. He's rocking back and forth.

Sinh: ….I guess if you're hunting sharks and mermaids…

Sinh: I'd love to play with a monkey like that.

Me: Like a bro date?
M2: Woah. Woah. …yes.

Mark: I'm not taking any photos. I'm taking a sandwich and I'm going to find a stone to sit by.

Sinh talking about meeting a gynecologist: I have so many questions. It's like meeting God.

Just jerking off and driving… they teach you that in trucker school.

C3: Check this out. I'm trying to pull this out of here. It's stuck.

M2: I'm busy.

C3: This is the special hand.

Sinh: You were talking? Penises?

Nhu: Remy! Stranger Danger!

C3: I like emus, but not ostriches.

No. I'm just gonna fuck your mom.

Lance: We just like making you laugh.

Lance: I hate you, change. You fill my pocket with sorrow.

Lance: To me, Chicago is a state.