Mom: I'm going to be a dung beetle in my next life. I'm going to spend my whole life looking for shit and being happy I found it.
Mom as she slams the door shut: Suzanne! No matter what, say "no!"
Mike: Do you have a calculator?
Shea: What kind of poor kids are we talking about?
My dad talking about Romney in this debate, "He looks like an adoring bride."
Mom: Thank you for not eating the last half-pea.
Dave: Roll it like a joint.
Aaron: Well this breeze can fuck off.
Luke: Ha… ahhhh. This place is fucked.
Sean: You just gotta homeless it.
Lance: I just pissed on a spider.
Anthony: Dumb ass horse movies…
Shea: She's the one that sleep walks and eats sausage, right?
Anthony: You weren't spoiled because you had hotdog buns.
Anthony: Wait- go back to her aunt and uncle. She had a baby with what?
Dad: Yeah. I'm going up a one-way street. You're buying drugs. Who cares?
Emily: Eleven pounds of ginger chews coming through.
Mom: I was ready to kill and die.
Mom: I think I have rice under my toe
Cam S.: If Batman had a watch, this would be it.
Dave: Wow. Everyone is so indecisive! Lunch should be a festive occasion…
M2: I get pissy when it rains.
Mark: You get prissy when it rains?
Dave to Sinh: You laugh like a girl.
Greg: He calls himself Vader. What a fag.
Greg: Re-cock-ulous. You're welcome.
Mom: Why do you deal me these cards?
Sue: Because I love you.
Cam S.: What is this?
Dave: A scale. For drugs.
Rosie: Dogs are awkward. Cats just kind of melt into puddles.
Nick: The fridge of poor people: Beer, pickles and jelly.
Nick: Oh. I forgot she'd have to bring her family.
Cam S.: Does anyone else smell a turkey cooking?
Cam S.: That little tree almost took out a baby
M2: The last time she went to the bank some guy offered her "favors." We get nothin'.
CD: Day drinking. It's rough.
CD: Holy essay of an email, Batman!
CD: Bippity boppity booyah.
Mark: I feel like a grizzly bear.
Mom: I don't know why animals are sexually attracted to me.
Dave: That's what I need. I need crack. Right now.
M2: It's not magic if it's real.
Dave: What happens is I HAVE gum, and then some sneaky fucking trolls come in and steal my shit.
M2: I'm slightly on drugs so everything looks cool.
Kidwell: Google "Murder in Honduras."
Ryan: The cops are gonna come. We're gonna get tased.