Adella: I like how LA has neither confirmed nor denied, and everyone is excited.
Trex: Gonna turn on Netflix and chill alone.
Airport lady: If he’s crying, he doesn’t like it.
Stag: Better finish this handle before I go play with power tools.
Stag: If I'm gonna stick something in there, let me make it a better one.
Jessica walks into the bathroom and closes the door: Aww maaan. I have chocolate all over my face.
Chris: I’m too lazy to be a serial killer.
Stag: So Im thinking it's mostly just drugs and dreams and cottonmouth.
Adella: you’re not drinking enough if that wasn’t logical
LA: My feet are wet.
LA: I woke up, looked at my hand, and said, “aww... my ass hole is gone.”
Abby U.: Did you see her nipples?
Philip: My dad always said growing up, “give a firm handshake, and don’t send dick pics.”
Stag: You Clark Kent looking mother fucker.
Egg: I really wanted a sword for my 16th birthday, but my dad got me a gun instead.
Trent: I’m not a good drinker. I just get really sleepy... take a lotta naps.
Titus to Chris: Why didn’t your receptionist, Dan, ask if I wanted anything to drink?
Dan: Because I will never care about your needs.
Mom: We be sa-day boo.
Mom: This guy in the car next to us has an UGLY little dog. ...It makes me judge him.
Aaron Draplin quotes from an event I went to:
"With all of you people here who the fuck is guarding the town?!"
"The perfect sprinkle of shitty."
"Don’t lie to people. (Republicans are fair game.)"
"I'm always looking at dead shit."
"He had breath like earth worms."
"Give him back to the universe."
"I’ll be doing the materials."
"Design is death, too."