Saturday, April 1, 2017

Quote List: First Quarter, 2017

12-27ish 
Stag: Aww fuck you, ya twat... How's that for sappy?
Me: You still said "aww," ya poof. 


1-2
Mila (8 years old): You smell like beer and bacon. 

1-12
Stag: I grammatically fucked that so hard all my children will just be vowel sounds.

1-28
Stag: Feels like I dropped on concrete. 

Adella: Why are you speaking in a British accent?
Bobby: Because Stag.

1-30
Rob: I am in the bathroom, and the lights went out (motion), and I am pooping in total darkness.

1-31 
Mom: I love you more than ferrets playing in clear tubes. 

2-4
Neil: you can't make white paint... Well I mean someone can...

2-11
Stag: People tell me I'm opinionated. I try to quell the backlash.

2-13
Me: You have glitter in your beard.
Zach: It's probably been there for years. 

2-17
Adella: As the hands get smaller, I start sucking more. 

3-2
Nick: I got busted by the manager at Dierbergs while putting up wiggly eyes the second time; I was banished. ...I wasn't banished, but we locked eyes and it was mutually understood that both the eyes and myself had to go. 

3-7 
Me: I feel like your super power would be to lift an empty glass and automatically have a new gin and tonic.
C3: That's just called alcoholism, you insensitive cunt. 

3-13
Me: How do you pronounce the name of this city?
Bookshop guy: What's the fastest town in Ireland? Tuam (chooom) 

3-25
Stag: See? That's love. I wouldn't do math for you people. 

3-30
Me (as requested by Johnna): If I were into forcing things, I'd be dating the stalker I had in high school. 

As Requested by Johnna: 
Johnna: Hey, Abby, what's this look like?
Me: Dick.






Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Quote List: Forth Quarter, 2016

10-6
Del: I've heard that if you count to 8 sneezes, you die.... I get to six, and tears start rolling because I'm saying goodbye to people.

10-7
Rob: Look at her calves! They're so small! They're like beef medallions!

10-14
Me: Later, gator.
Stag: After while, dickhead.

10-15
Stag: We killed something together, so that wasn't gay.

10-21
Nick Schulte: We will design with paper and crayons if necessary.

10-26
Quentin: ...Still not how jeopardy works.

10-30
Quentin: ...Why don't those people have legs?

Andrew: Enhance his mustache.
Dan: ...When you say "enhance his mustache..."

10-31
Del: They have subwoofers in the seats!
Michael: Rumble in your bum?

11-4
Tony: Er... I guess we should go get drunk..?

11-6
Stag: Art keeps me awake.

11-10
Coty: This is how I get information about Spiderman.

Coty: I just want to know there is a Russian doll of meat. And it exists for the holidays.

Coty: ...But I assume he had a prostitution problem, and I assume they died.

11-20
Caroline: I'm not into the weird shit.

11-29
Rob: "The north never forgets..."
Me: Do you mean "The north remembers?"

12-11
Mom: I had a great idea for outdoor decor this year, but the Anti-happy Christmas Ass poo pooed it straight to hell.

12-12
Stag: I was trying to convey I'd pocket sand a rando.

Stag: I love everything...but I'll pick a fight for pocket sand...

12-17-16
Abby as requested by Rob: I can never find a homeless person when I need one!

12-18
Stag: Why is it always AIDS with me?

12-20
Mom: first of all, I couldn't eat peanut butter AND jelly together until I was an adult...

12-22
Dad, after pretending to sing a native American song...: Want me to do the second verse?

Me: Do you want chicken and broccoli?
Mom: No.
Me: What are you going to have for dinner?
Mom: Grapes.

12-25
Dad: uh-oh... I was messing with the thermostat, but I tooted.
Mom: Quote list that shit.