Stag: Hope you can read my writing. I studied at the institute of calligraphy for inebriated chickens.
Rob: So it's "we" when you're drinking?
Titus: I read one book a year, and that's The Great Gatsby.
Dan: All the old people in this commercial are dead now.
Stag: The weapon of joy....dick nickname...called it!
Stag: Can't change hotdogs in the middle of the river.
Stag; Well if my tastes aren't "palatable" you might jerk the wheel into a goddamned dutch bridge abutment.
AJ: ...that song is about breakfast food.
Stag: Redneck smith life struggle is real: Gluing leather to a block fore a new strop with spray adhesive...arm was stuck to my computer desk... Thought I caught myself with the mist... It was bbq sauce from my ribs tonight.
Trent: Awww look at this quaint little town. ...I could never fucking live here.
Johnna: That's easy to remember; "Cock."
Abby: Cock is always easy to remember, even when you wish you could forget.
Mom: Who needs the eclipse when I can just be blinded by texts from my kids!
LA: That makes sense; Opium.
Stag: So we're talking 1 out of 3 on incest. Bad odds.
Dan: Rooney's Facebook page is like all snakes, all the time.
LA: ...we called him Party Pockets.
Stag: Don't pass the buck.
Me: I always pass the buck. 'Tis why I'm broke.
Nick: I need more Christmas tree.
Stag: Expand that. Make seams, not division.
Stag: I no homo. Barely homo sapien.
Stag: I'm slightly soberer.