Steve: At least you can avoid that conflict...
Me via Steve: I don't mind conflict when I get my way.
Stag: It's my fault for ordering a boys-size small. Men-sized pants just don't make my ass look good.
Adella: Just give him a bag of meat-flavored dick cookies.
Me: I'm just making sure I'm answering your actual question. You tend to word things in ways that have a lot of potential outcomes.
Stag: I played too many RPGs growing up. Sorry.
Nick Schulte: I ordered a hundred... or maybe fifty...? I ordered fucking paper towels.
Me: I sent my inner fat kid to fat camp for the summer.
Max: That's like conversion therapy!
Stag about my pink prof pic: Very pretty counter to your barbaric nature.
Grable: Don't damn me because I make you smile.
Stag: I am a bear... and I am balls deep.
Stag: ...See...this is how Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened.
Lillie: Process is fridge-worthy.
Stag: I'd rather eat that then put it on my body.
Me via Johnna: I'm thinking about getting a hermit crab.
Johnna: You want a hermit crab?
Me: Not really; I'm just lonely and want something to take care of.
Michael: You haven't gotten to the Hodor scene yet.
Robby: I think you mean Mordor...
Stag. Fair. Ducuntish, but fair.
Me while painting a house: Having fun yet?
Stag: There's a reason I was born German and not Mexican.
Stag: Grow up, and act 14 like the rest of us.
Bobby: I'm not saying he's a fridge digger...
Titus: Have you ever seen a midget move a couch?
Andrew: What the fuck is happening with lunch? I'm about to either freak out or pass out.
Chris: We're talking about dozens of dollars in bitcoins, Nick.
Andrew: You sound like the office drunk uncle.