Quotes: Second Quarter, 2015

4-6
Rob: I watched a three-minute commercial on the internet today. It was for Friskies.

4-16
Jason: What's up with this little pile of chocolate, granola, and Tums?

4-25
Mom: Her legs are very wrinkly, like ET wrinkly.

4-30
Rob: I had a realization the other day at IKEA... Butterfly tattoos are a deal breaker.

Rob: I was not born an old man.

5-9

Lyn: It's like having an orgasm.

5-10 

Dad: Are U2 queer?

5-11 

Mom: I am not a touch fucker.

5-11 

Woodge: I like the holocaust

Woodge: Honey, you've dated a couple of lost boys.

5-16 

Me: You have a website?
Jake: You didn't google me?

5-21 

Jake: A4 is mathematically sexy.

5-23
Me: I'd be okay if the zombie apocalypse happened today.
Rob: ...I don't have that many bullets.

Me: I'm going to start sending you boxes of stuff.
Rob: Yes! I love boxes. They can even be empty.

5-24

Ryan: He plays a fife.

5-31
Rob: This sandwich is going to be messy.

Me: That's okay, I'll just eat it with a fork.
Rob: No! You cannot eat it with a fork!
Me: Why does that bother you so much?
Rob: Because we have forks! Right here! -spirit fingers-

Rob: Close your eyes. Smell this. Doesn't that make you want to be a pirate?

6-5 

Rob: You're basically walking through a sea of worthless.

Rob: Punch him in the dick like a grown woman.

6-6 

Rob: I am laughing like a crazy person alone in my apartment.

6-12 

Nick Garvey: Why does everyone that shops at Walmart look like toes?

6-17 

Alistair: I'm just an immigrant.

6-24
Brooke: All we did is hunt and forage.
Lauren: I thought you said, "all we ate was porridge."

6-25
Brooke: Do you have walker's cough, Lauren?

Steve: One of my big goals in life right now is to chill with a penguin.