12-27ish
Stag: Aww fuck you, ya twat... How's that for sappy?
Me: You still said "aww," ya poof.
1-2
Mila (8 years old): You smell like beer and bacon.
1-12
Stag: I grammatically fucked that so hard all my children will just be vowel sounds.
1-28
Stag: Feels like I dropped on concrete.
Adella: Why are you speaking in a British accent?
Bobby: Because Stag.
1-30
Rob: I am in the bathroom, and the lights went out (motion), and I am pooping in total darkness.
1-31
Mom: I love you more than ferrets playing in clear tubes.
2-4
Neil: you can't make white paint... Well I mean someone can...
2-11
Stag: People tell me I'm opinionated. I try to quell the backlash.
2-13
Me: You have glitter in your beard.
Zach: It's probably been there for years.
2-17
Adella: As the hands get smaller, I start sucking more.
3-2
Nick: I got busted by the manager at Dierbergs while putting up wiggly eyes the second time; I was banished. ...I wasn't banished, but we locked eyes and it was mutually understood that both the eyes and myself had to go.
3-7
Me: I feel like your super power would be to lift an empty glass and automatically have a new gin and tonic.
C3: That's just called alcoholism, you insensitive cunt.
3-13
Me: How do you pronounce the name of this city?
Bookshop guy: What's the fastest town in Ireland? Tuam (chooom)
3-25
Stag: See? That's love. I wouldn't do math for you people.
3-30
Me (as requested by Johnna): If I were into forcing things, I'd be dating the stalker I had in high school.
As Requested by Johnna:
Johnna: Hey, Abby, what's this look like?
Me: Dick.
